BEARING THE LABEL, BREAKING THE MOLD: LIVED EXPERIENCE OF BACKSLIDER PASTOR’S KIDS

ABSTRACT

This qualitative phenomenological study explored the lived experiences of five backslider pastors’ kids (PKs) in Laguna, Philippines. Employing Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis (IPA) and guided by Ecological Systems Theory, and Labeling Theory, the research uncovered ten major themes: Personal, Social, and Spiritual Disruptions; Fractured Faith as a Catalyst for Identity Struggles and Self-Reconstruction; Navigating Inner Turmoil While Searching for Stability and Redemption; From Closeness to Distance and Defiance; Tensions between External Pressures and Internal Faith Journeys; Persuasively Pulled by People, Pressure, and Platforms; Mixed Reactions within Close Circles; Experiencing Shifts in Social Belonging and Treatment; Journey from Shame to Self-Assertion; and Faith Refound, Self Reborn, Connections Restored. The narratives revealed the profound emotional toll of societal expectations, strained familial and church relationships, internalized stigma, and identity fragmentation. Participants described experiences of shame, alienation, and disillusionment, but also demonstrated remarkable resilience by reconstructing personal faith and redefining their identities beyond rigid religious norms. Recognizing the need for holistic support, this study led to the development of Project Rooted, a framework that fosters safe spaces, mentorship, and counseling to aid PKs in navigating faith crises, identity reconstruction, and emotional restoration. By providing structured programs, Project Rooted bridges gaps in familial, social, and church-based support systems, ensuring compassionate guidance for those struggling with their faith journeys. These findings offer valuable contributions to the limited literature surrounding PKs in the Philippine context and provide a framework for addressing their unique experiences.

Keywords: Pastor’s Kid (PK), Backslider, Spiritual Struggle, Religious Expectations, Interpretative Phenomenological Analysis

INTRODUCTION

Growing up as a pastor’s child (PK) presents a range of unique challenges, often characterized by high expectations, intense scrutiny, and the pressures of religious life. As Piper describes, PKs exist in an environment that may outwardly appear normal but carries hidden, complex dynamics. Their lives intersect public ministry and private identity, positioning them as visible reflections of their family’s faith and values. While this role provides structure and purpose, it also fosters inner conflicts, emotional strain, and a yearning for autonomy, especially when external expectations overshadow personal growth.

In the Philippine context, where religion holds immense cultural significance, these challenges become even more pronounced. PKs are frequently held to idealized standards, expected to embody unwavering faith and moral excellence. These expectations, though well-intentioned, create a high-pressure environment that allows little room for individuality or failure. Stereotypes often depict PKs as either exemplary Christians or rebellious outliers, overlooking the nuanced realities of their experiences. This dichotomy frequently leads to identity conflicts, as PKs navigate the disparity between public perception and private realities.

For some PKs, the pressure to conform was met with resistance, and backsliding became a path to self-discovery. Contrary to the common narrative of rebellion, their decision to step away from faith could be understood as an attempt to find authenticity amidst the constraints of their upbringing. Kabuje and Mligo (2021) argued that backsliding often emerged during critical transitions, such as adolescence, when individuals began to explore their beliefs independently. In these pivotal moments, PKs raised under heightened religious expectations might have viewed their spiritual detachment not as a rejection of faith but as a means of survival, healing, and rediscovery. This aligned with Erikson’s theory of psychosocial development, which emphasized identity exploration during adolescence as both necessary and fraught, especially for those confined by rigid societal and familial norms.

Family dynamics further shaped the experiences of PKs. The demanding nature of ministry often created stress within pastoral households, where the emotional toll of church leadership spilled over into family life. Relationships between parents and children were frequently strained as PKs bore the additional burden of supporting their parents’ ministerial work. Jonathan and Gunawan (2021) observed that authoritarian parenting styles—often adopted in clergy households—could push PKs to ward disengagement from faith practices, particularly when they felt their voices and personal struggles were overlooked. In contrast, open communication and nurturing family environments had been shown to foster healthier identity development, although such environments were not always prevalent in pastoral families. The societal pressures PKs faced further compounded these familial challenges. In religious communities, PKs were often perceived as extensions of their parents’ ministry and were expected to uphold the family’s spiritual reputation. This heightened visibility created what Drumm et al. (2020) described as a “fishbowl effect,” where every action of the PK was closely scrutinized by congregants. This constant surveillance fostered anxiety and a sense of isolation, particularly when PKs felt unable to meet the unattainable standards set before them. For some, this pressure led to the adoption of a “double life,” outwardly conforming to religious expectations while privately grappling with doubt, identity conflicts, and struggles that remained hidden from view.

This thesis explored the lived experiences of backslider pastors’ kids, those who stepped away from the faith of their upbringing. Beyond a narrative of spiritual departure, this study delved into the deeply intertwined personal, social, and spiritual disruptions that characterized their journeys. Their stories revealed profound struggles with identity formation, shaped by fractured faith, inner turmoil, and the search for stability and redemption amidst complex familial, societal, and cultural dynamics. By exploring their narratives, this research aimed to foster a deeper understanding of the challenges backslider PKs faced. It shed light on their experiences of alienation, scrutiny, and the journey from shame to self-assertion. Additionally, the study highlighted their resilience, showcasing how they reconstructed faith, rebuilt connections, and reclaimed self-worth in the face of immense societal and religious pressures. Through these narratives, the thesis contributed to the broader discourse on faith, identity, and resilience, particularly within the Philippine context. Ultimately, it advocated for compassionate, grace-centered approaches to support PKs in their complex and transformative journeys, emphasizing the importance of emotional well-being alongside spiritual growth.

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